It has been a very very long time since I’ve written here-two years actually!
I stopped because I got bored…..this happens to me, I’m a restless soul, adventurous and curious, poking around to see what’s under the next stone and over the next hill.
This trait of mine can get me into trouble but I also love and admire this part of me…..in the middle of my frustrations I am also intrigued with my serious theatrics.
I fearlessly step in, as my mum used to say, “Where angels don’t dare”!
Ah yes my mum, I was thinking about her this morning, her carefree spontaneous ways, and how when she wasn’t in school, she spent as much time as she could playing in the natural wonder of the Swedish countryside. I remember her story about chewing on tree sap like chewing gum, and knowing which direction was north by where the moss was growing on the trees. She loved her friends and in the summer they swam in the lakes and ate blueberries and lay in the wildflower meadows looking at the clouds and imagining….
In winter they skied (cross country) and skated on the lakes, and built snow lanterns with candles inside.
All year round they followed the rhythm of nature; Easter egg blowing, painting and hanging on a branch with colourful feathers, Maypole dancing, bonfires at Hallowe’en but we didn’t call it that, Lucia festivals……and throughout remembering always to make sure that the house ‘tomte’ was happy.
When I was young I lived in Sweden for a while so I too remember…
However I have also been jealous of my mum and her innocence. When I was a young teenager I was already involved with boys and sex and drugs….looking for love in all the wrong places whereas my mum was playing with her dolls still, so innocent and carefree.
I want to be happy for my mum and the fun and freedom she had and her childlike ways that she maintained throughout her life….I admire that about her but I also feel disdain.
I grew up too fast BUT now at the age of 60 I am determined to learn about playfulness, to allow that, after all my mum role modelled this so it’s there inside me….my adventurous curious Kajsa way!